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Tuesday, January 29, 2008
So, I had disappeared for a bit. I had a lot of trouble sticking with Weight Watchers after visiting my parents, and during the holidays. And I decided that if something is so hard to stick with, maybe it's time to try another approach to build some better habits.
So, I have been working on the No-S Diet. It's not really a diet. What are the "terms" of the No-S Diet? It's short & sweet: No Sweets, No Snacks, No Seconds, except (Sometimes) on days that start with S.
I'm down a little in terms of weight, but I also feel like I am still getting my bearings on the whole thing. I have broken down and snacked a bit. And to be honest, it wasn't really due to hunger. But because there's no weeks restarting and official weigh-ins (I still weigh-in on Fridays, or whenever I feel like it), I don't feel like I have "blown" anything so it makes it a lot easier to get back on track.
My goal is to eat 3 healthy and satisfying meals a day, build an exercise program (mostly to help with my anxiety & depression), and to get to a place where I feel "normal".
So that's what I've been up to lately. What about you?
Labels: journal, plan
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Thursday, November 8, 2007
Still here, still chugging along. I weighed myself yesterday & today because I'm too antsy to see my official WI results tomorrow, and fortunately the scale is moving in the right direction. I just have to keep on chugging and eventually it will all add up. Someday. I keep reminding myself to be patient because this is going to take for-ev-er.
For-ev-er.
The next week is going to have an interesting challenge - visiting my folks. This usually turns into an all-out gorge-fest because we never see them and they both love to cook and eat out. And we will be celebrating Thanksgiving a week early since both my sister and I will be there.
I do plan to do a lot of activity while there - they have a heated indoor pool and I love the chance to swim without worrying about being seen in public in my chunktastic glory - but I am really going to have to lay down the law in terms of eating right. I think it's ok to indulge a bit, but every meal cannot be an all-out feast. I can't let this start stressing me out though or else I will fall victim to "Fuck-it Syndrome" where I let the impending challenge tempt me into just saying "fuck it" and blowing off the entire week. I'm going to schedule some time to think about it on Wednesday, the day before I leave.
In the meantime, I am suffering from some Paxil withdrawal symptoms, aka flu symptoms. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, I'm kinda dizzy, and I'm kinda achy. So I'm just going to keep focusing on making it through today and then surviving the workday tomorrow so I can get to the weekend and relax.Labels: journal
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Monday, November 5, 2007
Before I get into my routines, I wanted to mention that I lost 6 lbs on my home WI on Friday. This is not as amazing as it sounds because the prior week I was up 5 lbs (due to water weight from TOM) but it felt really good to drop it all plus another pound. Yay me!
I do feel like I've done some great things in improving my daily routine, both in terms of weight loss and in the rest of my life. And honestly, if the rest of my life is in chaos, my weight loss routine will be too.
In terms of weight loss, I have started to have a pretty predictable breakfast & lunch routine. For breakfast, I pretty much eat 2 packets of instant oatmeal, a cup of tea with 1% milk and a wee bit of sugar (I am moving away from fake sweeteners), and sometimes a piece of fruit (like an orange). For lunch, I either bring some kind of leftovers (I try to double soup & stew batches so I can freeze the leftovers in individual servings) or make a sandwich on whole wheat bread (fat free bologna, turkey breast, pb&j, or a lightened up egg salad). Then I try & bring some veggies (either leftovers or a Steamfresh Single), and a piece of fruit. For an afternoon snack, either a yogurt & fruit, a mini-wrap (mini flat-out with a little turkey or something) & fruit, or half of a sandwich & fruit.
This has been working out well because there's more variety in what I eat for lunch (not for breakfast, but I love instant oatmeal...I will try to mix it up by rotating weeks of instant oatmeal with weeks of egg mock muffins or something), and it's "real" food, and it's stuff I like. I find that eating "real" whole wheat bread (1 point per slice) rather than "light" bread is a lot more satisfying and filling. And I don't know if the veggies help my satiety level, but they taste good and I feel good about getting in a lunchtime veggie serving.
In terms of my daily routines, I have been really good about keeping the kitchen clean, which makes it so much easier to make meals quickly. Every night before bed, I run the dishwasher if it's full enough, spray & wipe down the counters, and figure out what I'll be bringing for lunch. Having a clean kitchen makes it so much nicer to make dinner! Like, a million times easier & less stressful. And waking up to a clean kitchen sets a nice tone for the day. When I'm boiling water for my tea & oatmeal, I put away the clean dishes from the night before, and everything is all ready for when I get home from work.
Another routine I've gotten into is drinking tons of tea. I've replaced coffee for tea in the mornings, and have decaf teas to drink at night. Now when I just feel kinda agitated and antsy instead of soothing myself by raiding the fridge, I can sooth myself by making a nice warm cup of tea. It's less calories, obviously, plus tea is yummy and full of antioxidants & stuff. What I keep forgetting to do, though, is to brew a couple pitchers of (unsweetened) iced tea. Which is stupid because I even have an iced tea machine.
Oh, and I've been drinking seltzer at home a lot instead of regular/diet soda or juice. No sugar, no artificial sweeteners, and it's refreshing and bubbly and there are some really fun flavors available these days (pomegranate! blueberry! ruby red!).
So...building good routines has really helped me lately, I think. Now I just need to build better routines to get me into bed at a reasonable hour. Zzzzzz...Labels: journal
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Friday, November 2, 2007
Lately I have been feeling very angry most of the time. Sometimes it's a simmering annoyance, but then it boils over into a full out rage at the most ridiculous things. I just feel like I can't deal with other people right now. I usually love to talk with my friends, both real live friends and the friends I have made online. I usually love it when someone calls me at home to chat. But recently, all I want is to be left alone. For real.
I think this is probably related to my Paxil withdrawal ... it's really been a major thing during the past 2 weeks. I find that even though I have been diligent about posting my meal plans and following them, I just don't have the desire or patience to have any sort of conversation about it. I want to - I don't want to be a stuck up bitch or totally self-absorbed, but I find that I have to force myself to make chit chat lately. Even when my parents call and want to talk, I get completely annoyed - wondering WHY they are ALWAYS calling me? Usually I like to talk to them, but lately I just want to do my thing on my own and be left alone.
I guess there is no harm in wanting to have some interrupted quiet time. I don't like the feeling of diving back into total self-absorption though. I wonder if part of it is just sick of talking about certain things rather than doing them. I've done a great job of walking the walk lately, and talking about my progress & plans ad nauseum just seems really redundant and boring. I'd rather curl up with my book than spend an hour or two online posting about Points and exercise and weigh-ins and blahblahblah.
I guess I'm just writing about this because it sort of bothers me how irritable I am. I hope this is just a temporary withdrawal symptom. I do think I remember having phases like this before I ever went on any medication though. I don't know what's fueling it. I know I am angry at myself, so maybe I am just projecting it on to the rest of the world. I don't know.Labels: journal
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Thursday, November 1, 2007
I've actually been doing pretty well! At least in terms of eating. The exercise thing has been virtually non-existent. But I've started developing some awesome habits, and they appear to be sticking.
The most important, IMHO, is that I've been bringing my lunch 99% of the time. Since I totally burnt out on Lean Cuisines, I've been bringing either sandwiches or homemade soup from home, along with some veggies to eat as a side (usually leftovers from the night before or Steamfresh Singles) and a high protein afternoon snack (which I eat with a piece of fruit). The 1% of the time I've forgotten my lunch, I've come up with a new typical lunch to grab from the downstairs cafe...Turkey on whole wheat with veggies, and either a cup of soup (if they have a non-cream veggie soup) or a package of Baked Lays or a light yogurt. It's tasty, it's filling, it's REAL FOOD, and it's pretty much guilt free. I've also done well when I've done this by saving half of my sandwich for an afternoon snack.
I've also been less crabby about cooking, which is awesome. I think a huge help has been keeping my kitchen clean & organized. Nothing makes cooking seem more daunting than first having to slog through a sink full of crusty, dirty dishes, and having to wash the pot or cutting board you want to use. I've gotten super about making sure I clean up after dinner, hand wash what needs to be handwashed, loading & running the dishwasher if it needs it, and then unloading it in the morning while I'm boiling water for tea (or if I didn't run the dishwasher, then just putting away the hand-washed stuff).
Another major thing that is going on is that I am in the process of dumping the medications that helped me get fat and stay fat. I've already gone off birth control (don't speculate, there will be NO babies for a couple years, we're using non-hormonal bc) and under my doctor's encouragement, tapering off of Paxil. In fact, when I told him my concern about the effect Paxil has had on my weight, he told me it was pretty much inevitable that patients on Paxil will gain weight & have trouble losing it. I told him that right now weight loss is my top priority, and he was very encouraging and said going off the Paxil will help. A non-scientific survey I took of people who have already gone off of Paxil or other antidepressants associated with weight gain have said that it really does become easier to lose weight once it's out of your system, so that makes me feel encouraged. Not that I don't plan to put my all into food & exercise, though.
I am staying on Wellbutrin, which is one of the few antidepressants not associated with weight gain (it is more often associated with weight *loss*) and I am still taking Trazodone for sleep, at least until I am done with the Paxil withdrawal (of which insomnia is a side effect - and boy is it ever).
Paxil withdrawal has so far been a pretty crappy process, resulting in flu symptoms, migraines, and some pretty explosive mood swings. Lately I find myself getting REALLY angry at the most ridiculous things, but at least I can realize that I'm being irrational and not take it out on other people. But I can't wait until it's out of my system ... it should take another 4-6 weeks to taper down to 0 mg, and then probably a few more weeks for my body to have adjusted.
Hmmm, what else has been happening...oh...did I mention I am finally getting a sleep study done? It's n0t scheduled yet, I'm on the wait list, but my doctor referred me to the Pulmonary Medicine Dept to be screened for the possibility of sleep apnea, and they think it's likely the cause of my always being exhausted, so they put me on the wait list for a sleep study. While part of me is disgusted that I've gotten so fat that I've probably brought sleep apnea upon myself, I am eager to get treatment if that's the case so I can feel more rested, and, in turn, have more energy to take care of myself.
Hopefully I should be able to get the study done in December or early January.
I guess that's it for now ... I am sorry for my lack of updates ... I have been trying to focus more on action than reflection, because it's easy for me to discuss my weight loss thoughts ad nauseum while doing absolutely nothing in the real world. So, I'm trying to focus on action first, reflection later. I will try to post more steadily though, promise.Labels: journal
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Monday, October 15, 2007
This is a note to myself mostly, but I was trying to brainstorm tasty & easy lunches & dinners because I am so frigging sick of Lean Cuisines (and their ilk).
- Light egg salad sandwiches
- Turkey sandwich with ff Russian (or Thousand Island) dressing
- Meatloaf & Meatloaf Muffins
- Fat free hot dogs on light buns with sauerkraut
- Veggie burgers on light buns with ff Russian dressing
- Oven fries!!!
- Chicken Piccata
- Grilled chicken sandwiches with light pesto mayonnaise
- Pasta with broccoli, grilled chicken chunks, and light Alfredo sauce
- Lentil soup!
- Turkey veggie chili
- Fat free bologna on light bread with light mayo (old school!)
- Beef & Veggie Stew
- Lightened up lasagna
- Deep dish pizza casserole
I am going to try cooking big batches of stuff on the weekends so we have leftovers for the week, and to bring sandwiches to work most of the time.
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Monday, September 10, 2007
Some new beginning, eh? I can't believe that I started over here & then stopped posting for over a month!
That's a prime example of my latest problem - I am having trouble committing. I don't know why either...my weight terrifies me. I have never felt so out of control or so unhappy with myself before in my life.
What is really just terrible is that it's not like I'm afraid I can't do it, or that losing weight won't work. I have not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that if I follow the WW plan, even if I only followed it 90% of the time, that I would consistently lose weight. I also don't think it's particularly hard, either! There are a few standard breakfasts & a few standard lunches that I rely on that I automatically know the points values for. Same with snacks. And then dinners are usually fairly easy as long as we don't get takeout or go out or order pizza.
My thought process, the one that happens when I binge or go off plan or get frustrated, is irrational. This is not hard. This is not iffy. This isn't even unpleasant. It's probably easier to eat according to my general WW guidelines than it is to wing it, because I have a general idea of what I'm going to eat so I don't have to do any guesswork or deal with indecision. I know that following it will result in consistent weight loss as well. And I enjoy eating well - it's tasty, my stomach feels better, and my energy levels feel better.
I consistently remind myself of the things I need to feel good in the long term, and yet I consistently ignore them after awhile.
1. Getting enough sleep
2. Doing things that are fun & relaxing
3. Eating well
4. Getting consistent exercise
I have to think about ways to track & quantify these goals. I am reaching the point of total desperation. I'm terrified about how hard it is for me to feel a solid commitment. I'm terrified at the thought of what's going to happen to me if I don't get my weight under control. I'm just terrified. I need all the encouragement & support I can get right now. Even tough love. I just need to stop being self destructive before it's too late.
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