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Monday, September 10, 2007
Some new beginning, eh? I can't believe that I started over here & then stopped posting for over a month!
That's a prime example of my latest problem - I am having trouble committing. I don't know why either...my weight terrifies me. I have never felt so out of control or so unhappy with myself before in my life.
What is really just terrible is that it's not like I'm afraid I can't do it, or that losing weight won't work. I have not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that if I follow the WW plan, even if I only followed it 90% of the time, that I would consistently lose weight. I also don't think it's particularly hard, either! There are a few standard breakfasts & a few standard lunches that I rely on that I automatically know the points values for. Same with snacks. And then dinners are usually fairly easy as long as we don't get takeout or go out or order pizza.
My thought process, the one that happens when I binge or go off plan or get frustrated, is irrational. This is not hard. This is not iffy. This isn't even unpleasant. It's probably easier to eat according to my general WW guidelines than it is to wing it, because I have a general idea of what I'm going to eat so I don't have to do any guesswork or deal with indecision. I know that following it will result in consistent weight loss as well. And I enjoy eating well - it's tasty, my stomach feels better, and my energy levels feel better.
I consistently remind myself of the things I need to feel good in the long term, and yet I consistently ignore them after awhile.
1. Getting enough sleep
2. Doing things that are fun & relaxing
3. Eating well
4. Getting consistent exercise
I have to think about ways to track & quantify these goals. I am reaching the point of total desperation. I'm terrified about how hard it is for me to feel a solid commitment. I'm terrified at the thought of what's going to happen to me if I don't get my weight under control. I'm just terrified. I need all the encouragement & support I can get right now. Even tough love. I just need to stop being self destructive before it's too late.
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