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Friday, November 2, 2007
Lately I have been feeling very angry most of the time. Sometimes it's a simmering annoyance, but then it boils over into a full out rage at the most ridiculous things. I just feel like I can't deal with other people right now. I usually love to talk with my friends, both real live friends and the friends I have made online. I usually love it when someone calls me at home to chat. But recently, all I want is to be left alone. For real.
I think this is probably related to my Paxil withdrawal ... it's really been a major thing during the past 2 weeks. I find that even though I have been diligent about posting my meal plans and following them, I just don't have the desire or patience to have any sort of conversation about it. I want to - I don't want to be a stuck up bitch or totally self-absorbed, but I find that I have to force myself to make chit chat lately. Even when my parents call and want to talk, I get completely annoyed - wondering WHY they are ALWAYS calling me? Usually I like to talk to them, but lately I just want to do my thing on my own and be left alone.
I guess there is no harm in wanting to have some interrupted quiet time. I don't like the feeling of diving back into total self-absorption though. I wonder if part of it is just sick of talking about certain things rather than doing them. I've done a great job of walking the walk lately, and talking about my progress & plans ad nauseum just seems really redundant and boring. I'd rather curl up with my book than spend an hour or two online posting about Points and exercise and weigh-ins and blahblahblah.
I guess I'm just writing about this because it sort of bothers me how irritable I am. I hope this is just a temporary withdrawal symptom. I do think I remember having phases like this before I ever went on any medication though. I don't know what's fueling it. I know I am angry at myself, so maybe I am just projecting it on to the rest of the world. I don't know.Labels: journal
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